Ke$ha

My goodness, woman. Please make it stop.
First of all, Ke$ha, you can’t spell. The dollar sign is undoubtedly NOT in the alphabet. Life isn’t Myspace, darling. In the real world we don’t actually spell our names with dollar $igns, exclamat!on points, @t symbols, or any of the other extraneous things you might find on a keyboard . Even if we did, it went out of style in 2006. So as far as name choice goes… Let’s just say there’s an obnoxious squiggly red line scrawled under yours in my word processor, and it doesn’t make you look cool.
Second of all, you can’t sing. You’ve made that quite obvious, as opposed to your drunken nonsensical lyrics that are anything but clear. I’m sure you honestly didn’t know this, but it’s you that keeps “talkin’ that blah blah blah”, not the drunk guy in your car. I can’t tell if you’re a rapper or not, probably because you aren’t all too great at that either. So as far as talent goes… I think that “bottle of Jack” has you a bit confused. That brings me to my third point…
Third of all, you can’t be sober. I assume you have a preference for Jack Daniels. Today’s teens are actually more against alcohol than before, so I’ll say again: it doesn’t make you look cool. In fact, you sound like a mental case. Britney Spears may have convinced you that being a drunken psycho is what makes you famous. You’ve got it backwards. I suspect you were drunk when writing a few of your songs, and then when singing them. So as far as drinking goes… You can still keep a beat. I’ll give you that… and a ride to an AA meeting.

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